Random thoughts

she seem to talk to me lesser and lesser as time goes by. I was afraid that she have forgotten me completely. The more i see her picture, the more i miss her.. i cant help thinking how is she doing. but she never did ask me anything. i guess her feeling is way way gone and i am just holding on for no reason.

It start to seem clear to me that i am no longer missed by her and it start to seem to be a 1 way feeling now.

Anyway these few days i talk to ah chan and apparently her problems seem much more complicated than what i am encountering. I can only wish her luck. sometimes, a relationship isn't good if they have to be this way.

sometimes i wonder why do pple want to be third party... because they are lonely or there is a saying.. 幸福是要靠自己争取

If you encounter someone that can truly understand you and have the perfect common interest without having to try or fake it out.. but they are with someone that doesn't appreciate that side of him/her and both of them are living in misery but no one willing to let go... will you intervene? Are you willing to be the bad guy/gal that pple thinks you are trying to sabotage other pple relationship but instead you are trying to fight for yourself... for your own future? In the society like this.. moral seem less worthy.. pple are trying to get the best for themselves.. but who are you to judge them?

Life is full of ups and down.. there is never a point that it goes down all the way and never come back unless stock market. Always believe when you are down, you are accumulating karma and they will return to you in future.. never lose urself in any circumstance. I appreciate what Isaac is trying to do to keep me accompany.. in times like this.. i really need many company to keep me from thinking anything sad..

still awake

i just realize there isnt one day i stop msging her... no wonder i cannot forget her as soon as i wan to be...

apparently she seem to move on for a while.. so i guess i have to start letting her go...

still emo

it has been 1 week, life doesnt seem to make any improvement. what makes me angry is no longer part of me.. feeling of sadness still lingers in my mind.. something i cannot shake off just yet.

i still care about how she is living outside and everytime i see her enjoy herself, i find myself more depressed. Is not because she is enjoying, but is because it could be all these while she is not enjoying herself when she is with me. Did i really drag her down? everytime this thought came across my mind, i felt a little bit happier. I manage to let her go and pursue her own dreams and life. Something i am unable to provide her.

i still wish to be part of her life but somehow i know i cant and i shouldnt. I am trying very hard to even no to think of her. restrict myself from touching my whatsapp and talk to her. I have a feeling that she has already let it go. Work has consume her life and maybe potential suitor has already made his move. i dont wish to think too much about it. it consume too much of my feelings. i hope i can really let it go as soon as possible and go ahead with my own life and own dream.

Trying everyday to numb myself and not to think of anything by going out. With who? Not important.. i just want to keep my mind occupied. As i said before.. friends can only do this much. especially friends that are attached. sadly every single time when i am single, my surrounding friends all seem to attach. I guess that is my curse.

Now trying to slot in more jobs for myself to spend less time thinking about her. i feel like calling her my darling now. So much........ fate has brought us together but life has drifted us apart.. i hope i can turn back the clock and tell myself to treasure you more than i should.. to hug you so tight u can hardly breathe.. i still in love with you.. i do...

From love,
Kelen

what a song

i love S.H.E and i never knew this song is so closed to how i feel right now.. omg.. disgraced... enjoy~

back to somewhere i can talk

blog seem like the only way i can talk without having to announce to the whole wide world. Maybe because not much pple have my blog address?

Sadly every time i blog, the only reason is because i'm sad/depressed.

It's tougher than i thought it would be. For the past 2 years, i am so used to having her around me all the time that i feel empty whenever i open my wardrobe or cabinet. so used to having tons and tons of her stuff all over my room.. i thought it could be a easy breakup after so long but apparently it is tougher than any other relationship that i have before.

She might be naggy towards me,but somehow all these things also built up my character of getting things done. i really do not know if the decision is a mistake or its just me feeling lonely, but i do appreciate her companionship all these while. sometimes i really want to know how she is doing but i have to restrict myself from doing it. I cant really help it but to still care for her.

I wish i am able to let it go, to let her pursue her career and wish her well. but deep down i really hope she will fall someday so i can be there to pick her up again. Stupid me.

i find it harder and harder to sleep these few days without her hug... 2 years....730days of her being with me all nights... i guess is not just a day or two to let it go... i love her.. but i have to let her go so she can go for her own dream without me being her burden.. too much conflict when our dream is not the same.. she seem happy to me so that makes me feel even worst.. as though she does not care anymore.. oh god. please spare me the agony...

Somehow i hate sony to the core now.. even so much to related product such as PS3. i guess if she did not work, we might be even happier than before.

i realized friends cannot be with you everytime. They have their own life. There is only so much they can do for you. Sad but true. last but not least, let me dedicate this lines quote from the movie:


曾经有一段真挚的爱情摆在我的面前，
但是我没有珍惜，
等到失去的时候才后悔莫及，
尘世间最痛苦的莫过于次，
如果上天能给我一次再来一次的机会，
我会对她说三个字:我爱你。
如果非要在这份爱上加一个期限，
我希望是一万年