still emo

it has been 1 week, life doesnt seem to make any improvement. what makes me angry is no longer part of me.. feeling of sadness still lingers in my mind.. something i cannot shake off just yet.

i still care about how she is living outside and everytime i see her enjoy herself, i find myself more depressed. Is not because she is enjoying, but is because it could be all these while she is not enjoying herself when she is with me. Did i really drag her down? everytime this thought came across my mind, i felt a little bit happier. I manage to let her go and pursue her own dreams and life. Something i am unable to provide her.

i still wish to be part of her life but somehow i know i cant and i shouldnt. I am trying very hard to even no to think of her. restrict myself from touching my whatsapp and talk to her. I have a feeling that she has already let it go. Work has consume her life and maybe potential suitor has already made his move. i dont wish to think too much about it. it consume too much of my feelings. i hope i can really let it go as soon as possible and go ahead with my own life and own dream.

Trying everyday to numb myself and not to think of anything by going out. With who? Not important.. i just want to keep my mind occupied. As i said before.. friends can only do this much. especially friends that are attached. sadly every single time when i am single, my surrounding friends all seem to attach. I guess that is my curse.

Now trying to slot in more jobs for myself to spend less time thinking about her. i feel like calling her my darling now. So much........ fate has brought us together but life has drifted us apart.. i hope i can turn back the clock and tell myself to treasure you more than i should.. to hug you so tight u can hardly breathe.. i still in love with you.. i do...

From love,
Kelen