getting old

getting old is something that everyone hates when they reaches our age but teenager hope they can grow old faster... ironic huh...

As time goes by, i feel the need to really save up and settle down.. however i am missing the miss right at the moment.. is how funny things happen... initially i was hoping she get a job for herself and have that extra income to pay her debt and save up together... however when she got her job.. i was hoping she can quit and accompany me longer.. grass is always greener on the other side.. maybe is the fact that the time taken up for her job is not part of my expectation.. i never expect a person to work 10-12hrs of work everyday for almost 6 days.. or maybe my career path was too smooth to feel that.. i have to agree i have my fair share of odd and long hours but is irregular.. but her job was so "regular" that 10-12 hours everyday seem normal.. or more like a SOP.(Standard Operating Procedure). This was the trigger point that i thought i lost her... i spend more time alone than together.. so i was thinking of a break up for a very long time..

Never knew it came and it impact me so much that it was not part of my expectation either! Lol... life sux huh... It could be that pple grow old and was afraid of being alone.. i went on a frenzy for a period of time trying to find someone to fill in the gap.. even resort of asking her back..( i wasnt especially paying much attention ever since i have the "break up" thought in my mind.. and i did some stupid stuff.. i knew i was wrong.. foolish and selfish.. but what done was done)... but only after a while before i realize... i was only afraid of being lonely.. Come to think about it.. i never had more than half a year being a single..(beside army period) so this moment of loneliness hits me really hard... just to add.. only at this moment i realize who can really called my friends.. i was seriously disappointed with someone... or maybe she was juz avoiding me... i dont know.. but i seriously dont care now... ALL this quarrel that relates to her make me feel stupid.. to even try to help her in the past... oh well.. i digress..

At this very moment.. i can safely declare... i am in love with no one but myself.. i guess i just need some time alone for a period of time before i can like anyone again.. reason being... i have to make sure i like that person.. not because i am lonely.. because for this next person..i shall not make the same mistake i made.. and hopefully..be the finally person that gonna stay in my life... although my long life plan was to get married before 30... and i still hope this is gonna be the case... i hope u will be in some place that i can find u within my next 2 years.. =)

Being Alone

Recently i have plenty of time to think about what i have gone through and what have i changed to... Sometime i really think something is wrong with me... why have i changed so much until i couldnt recognize myself. Someone I am not used to be.. what causes me to change?

I think i really need some time alone but at the same time.. i do feel like having a company.. tried as hard as i want but i seem to be stuck in the emotion whirlwind that cant stop.. my head has been spinning since the break up... i wish i can shake this feeling off soon